During one healing ceremony the shaman explained to me that like everyone I can either have what I want or all the reasons why I can’t. “You are too enamoured with your story. Until you did dream a different dream, all you will have is the nightmare.” Awakening to the spirit world.
The best part about being alive today is the world is infinite and full of choices. The hardest part about being alive today is the world is infinite and full of choices. Rather than get stuck in the quagmire of self-doubt and self sabotage, I now have found a peace of self that was missing, united with the feeling of oneness that we were born with, and an actual desire to do something that matters in this world. Now with these foundational parts back in place for me. A brave New World.
May we all be reborn over and over again and continue to evolve, remembering why we came here in the first place. Such cycles, such lessons. The more I know the less I know, that’s for certain. Linear progress- what silliness reserved for the artificial classroom. Nothing is ever complete. We are capable of creating and destroying anything. I’ve done a lot of wild experiments and will continue to test the concepts of limitations and ultimate truth.
One thing I have noticed about people who seek the jungles or mountains for Aya healing seem deeply concerned about human life at all levels of society. Idealism perhaps, but steps in the right direction getting out from under the deadly weight of material gain, corporate competition, individual self improvement, powered by a ADHD technology obsession with Kardashian and Kanye like role models serving in the place of heroes. We know we have unleashed a lot of darkness we are yet to fully grasp- pills to save the day; porn in place of love; fake foods for the soul; and enough cocaine and booze to numb the pain of the boss from hell.
There’s a million reasons and one why we feel the compulsion to do the things we do to hurt ourselves and others.
Getting comfortable with ourselves without checking Instagram a hundred times, or creating a “need” to respond to some non-important email that gives you a momentary buzz of productivity & accomplishment. Yes, the world needs you, but not that way. That’s ego and illusion taking you on a ride from which most of us never get off. Desperate to connect and feel a part of the universe from which we have been cut off mostly without us even knowing. We are unable to connect as we sit at dinner texting other people and checking IG. Infinite distractions to keep us from the moment. Internet is a great thing but also a dangerous thing designed not to take part of you, but all of you.
The more aware of why and how things are designed with us in mind (or not in mind) is part of the awakening. Just start reading, talking to the right people, and playing with the string. She what falls apart. Happens faster than you can imagine.
My entire schooling life in a Christian boarding school with a “ordained” one who directed the word of the lord to our fragile minds has strengthened me against ever giving my power to a shaman, prophet, or pope! Some of the greatest evil in the world has come from this type of behavior. No this is a direct response world. Which removes any mumbo jumbo or hocus pocus. It doesn’t matter if you’re a Christian, a Jew, Hindu, or Muslim its got nothing to do with being a good human being with an evolved sense of the world and our role in this universe(s).
Our lives can’t flourish in a template. And if we are spending too much time in one at work, desperately seeking distraction and ego fuelled excitement there is not much left for creativity and expansion in any meaningful way. This blueprint maps the road to bitterness and empty sense of life at the end of the road. We see it with job switching, divorces, addiction, and 24/7 distractions... anything to not face the primordial void. But once you start inquiring you see the lessons in your shadows and the light in your veins.
As I write this of course I would love a good bottle of delicious wine, date steak, and night out on the big town, but I know its part of the system set up for its benefit. Nothing to do with mine but for a hefty price tag and morning of regret. Life is far too infinite to keep making the same mistakes (though I will but less freq), following the same beaten roads (though it becomes less oft), especially when they lead to shame, sadness, and an sense of regret. Everytime I forget this the previous statement holds me captive in my own cell/hell of desire and ego.
I want to wake up excited to create and participate. Days and nights locked up in my own needs and manipulations to get what I think I want is boring and exhausting.
I hope this goes far beyond the impact of a ayahuasca Retreats, burning Man festivals, or any other time/place/event. I’ve surrendered back to the flow of life and intend on making it my life’s work to stay there. Whatever it takes, how long it takes... up to up to me. The power of walking solo, the fear of walking solo. No one is coming to save me.
And today, that is fine by me.
The cost of this mad quest? Everything.
A price I happily pay.